TEACHER TRAINING STUDENT DIARY
VIKASA TEACHER TRAINING APR/MAY 2017
Sunday 16th of April 2017
FIRST DAY AT VIKASA! Its just like a dream here! The place, the nature, it is just like the pictures I have been looking at on the internet – actually, it is even more beautiful. You wont believe it until you see it with your own eyes. It so crazy that I’m here now, cant believe it. My bungalow, my home for the next month, is so cozy and so close to the beach, its so wonderful. I have been travelling around in Thailand for almost 3 weeks alone, waiting for this moment! Now it’s the time! I feel so ready for whatever is going to happen. I have so many nerves right now, feeling so many things at one time; excited, nervous, ready for everything, want to run away, worried, etc. Earlier this evening, we all met each other in the Vikasa café for the first time, I was so exited to meet the other students and teachers! How would they look like? What would they all be like? Everybody seemed so nice and had so much good energy. Cant wait to get to know everyone better and start this yoga-journey. We are going to have almost full day schedule, yoga two times a day, dynamic group classes, theory, its so exciting!
Wednesday 19th April 2017
Oh my.. The last few days has been extremely overwhelming, exciting, challenging, hard physical and inexplicably amazing – all at the same time! We had our first yoga class Monday, it was so hard, my body was shaking all the time and sweat was running from me constantly. Right there, I was thinking; “Have I done the right thing by coming to this place!?!”. Later Monday, we had a group-dynamic class and we all became better known to each other. We talked about the tough morning class and it was nice to know that I was not the only one who had been very challenged! I got a really good feeling on the group. It gave me energy. I was very hard on myself Tuesday, my body was hurting, feeling sore and my mind was wandering constantly in the yoga classes. When we were having dinner later that day, I talked to some of the other students and told them about my day. Everybody was so sweet and caring, it made me feel so much better.
Today was totally different! Today has been just awesome. My body didn’t feel sore anymore, but stronger already. I also already feel close to some of the students, its crazy how quickly we all connect! Today I also had my first really exciting meditation experience. I have never experienced anything like this – I was feeling so much light and fire in the body, rippling around the chakras (I think..). It was so crazy and “addictive”. I am looking forward to more of this!
Friday 21th April 2017
Today I tried my first Reki-healing with Alicia. I had never tried it before and was very curious. It was intense, I have never tried anything like this before! I felt a burning feeling inside, that I have never felt before. It was like there was a fire inside me, moving back and forth in my body. Thought my head would explode, felt like if you have been standing on your head for many hours! I also felt discomfort like headache and tightening of the throat. After the reki-healing, Alicia told me that she felt allot of tension around my throat-chakra. She was able to explain some of my difficulties, difficulties that I have found hard to describe before. It was very emotional for me. Everything she said, was true. I was speechless. I told her that I saw a very intense light blue color during the healing, she said that the color is the color of the throat-chakra. I am experiencing so many new ways of understanding myself, my body, my feelings and the world around me. So many new dimensions in life!
Monday 24th April 2017
The plank and chaturanga is still not my favorite poses, but I recognized today that I hold the poses for more and more seconds everyday. And somehow, I am beginning to like the challenging feeling. I have always been a relaxing-calming-yoga kind of girl, but now it seems like my old conviction it getting expanded. Today we ended our shavasana with singing bowls – it felt like the sounds went directly into my body and made my body vibrate. Amazing experience. Later in the group-dynamic class, we were dancing, “releasing dance”. It was so good, nice to just shake the body, move it into every direction that feels good. A nice contrast to the more “static yoga” we have been doing lately.
Wednesday 26th April 2017
I have been feeling tired and blunt today, maybe because I have been thinking so much about what to choose (got a job offer yesterday, don’t know what to do). Under the morning meditation, I suddenly had the answer! Just out of the blue. I talked to Kosta about it after class, we talked about how you get more in contact with your intuition, when you do yoga. Then answers will come more easily, because you get more in contact with yourself. Then its easier to know what is the right thing to do for you. I felt so much more energized after class, it was like a relief.
Another thing I have been noticing the last couple of days, is how my “anxiety” when I speak in front of many people is almost completely gone. Its an anxiety I have been developing during the last couple of years, maybe because of a very hectic lifestyle. My heart always starts beating like crazy, I get shaky, my body feels like jelly, my voice shakes and I usually get warm and red in my face and throat. But, yesterday, I had to stand in front of everybody in the anatomy class, show a pose and speak in front of everybody (for quit a long time) – and I didn’t noticed anything.. Actually, I didn’t think about it, until after the class. It was so wonderful, I couldn’t believe it. Before the YTT I hoped that my anxiety would get better, but I didn’t think that it would go so fast! I don’t know how it happened, maybe because the group is so amazing and safe, maybe because yoga has helped calming my nervous system or maybe I have a better contact to my body? No matter what the reason is, its amazing and I’m so grateful.
Friday 28th April 2017
I didn’t feel so good today, tired, sad and irritated. I tried to hold it inside the whole day. But after the afternoon yoga class, I couldn’t hold it inside anymore. During the yoga class, it felt like all my layers and barriers, protecting the heart, where getting peeled off. It felt like my heart were open and exposed after the yoga class, without any filter. I allowed the tears to come. I tried not to think about why I was sad, why the tears came, but were just allowing myself these feelings (its a thing we have been working on in Alicias classes). I was afraid of letting go, but it was a relief and many of the students came to me and gave me care and love. But I have noticed this before, how my heart gets more and more open and how the walls protecting the heart, slowly are degraded. Its beautiful, but also a little scary. But it feels safe, exploring it here..
Monday 1th May 2017
I have to teach my first class Friday! Very excited about it, feeling a liiiittle nervous, but not at all as much as I thought I would feel. That don’t seem like me, its a new me! I’m beginning to feel more and more in contact with myself, confident, I am dancing and singing more spontaneous. I have always felt difficult in dancing, always been in my head, how does it look, how should I move. Now, its more like the body just move, the mind is not overthinking everything. I get so much love and hugs from everybody, I want to stay here forever! The days are going too fast!
Friday 5th May 2017
Today I had my first yoga class for one person! Oh my… It was so much fun! I wasn’t nervous at all, just excited. I enjoyed it so much. Cant believe that I did it. 3 weeks ago, I would never have thought, that I could do something like this. I even got good feedback! Before this YTT, I thought that after the YTT, I would be able to use yoga in my work as a social worker. Maybe do some yoga classes with the users now and then. Now, I want to make yoga a big part of my daily life as a social worker, have yoga classes everyday with the users and also have yoga classes in my spare time. Things are happening! Its a new side of me that I have been hiding, convincing my self that I am not the yoga teacher-type, I am too shy to be a teacher, I am to nervous to do things like that, I am not flexible enough – well, yes I am good enough and I can do it. During this YTT, I have discovered that my thoughts and convictions have been my own worst enemy. It is only my mind, who tries to restrict myself. And my thoughts are not (always) true. I can do anything, I can be everything. And now I want to be a yoga teacher and I will be.
Saturday 6.th May 2017
Well, its easy to say that you can do anything, but it takes some time to believe in yourself. So today I learned more about how to be patient with yourself and your own journey. Today I felt weak and suddenly my mind started spiraling. I decided not to keep it inside, but to be open about it. Some of the other students, my new yogi-family, listened to me and gave me so much love and energy. They told me that I would be the best teacher and that I have to believe even more in myself, because I got the power inside, I just have to have the courage to believe more in myself. I felt a energy boost and the rest of the day was filled with love!
Sunday 7.th May 2017
Lately, we have been learning about yoga-philosophy with Ram. It has been truly amazing, so many new doors are opening for me. I feel that so much is happening to me, so many old convictions that are being developed. A new way of watching life and the way of living as a human. For example, I have always been kind of afraid of the universe, thought that universe can punish you. If I was doing good, if life treated me good, I would think “Things are going so good, its probably too good to be true, it will soon change to something negative”. Now, I am so inspired by the philosophy, to think of the universe as a loving mother who wants the best for you, always. So I am beginning to practice on thanking the universe for all the good things that are happening to me. Sending good thoughts to the universe.
Cant believe I only have 3 full days left, I don’t want to leave. I have a big family arrangement in Denmark Saturday, so I will miss Thursday, Friday and Saturday (the big graduation-celebration day). I arranged it with the staff before I came to Vikasa. Now I kind of regret, wish I could have the last days with the loving group, get every single bite from here. I just have to enjoy the last three days.
Tuesday 9th May 2017
Today I had my “practical exam”, my first yoga class for 3 people! I had so many butterflies in my stomach last night, but it went really well and I still love to be a yoga teacher. I got wonderful feedback from the teachers, Kosta and Jason, and it was so nice to get feedback from them. Suddenly it was so real! After the yoga class I was so high on good energy! The rest of the day was filled with so much love, I cant believe how close you can get with people you have only known for about 3 weeks. We are all so different, have different jobs, different lifestyles, different looks, but we all share the same love for yoga and we have so much in common! I have just enjoyed this day, giving hundreds of hugs and getting so much love back.
Wednesday 10th May 2017
My last day at Vikasa. I got my written exam back + I got my certification diploma, I am now a yoga teacher (!!!!!!!!) I cant believe it! I have so much joy and happiness in me, this is truly the best thing I have ever giving to myself. This has developed my life, thoughts, body and spirituality in so many ways. And this is just the beginning! I wish everybody could get this opportunity. Even though it is terribly hard, saying goodbye to my new Vikasa family (that is really how it feels!) I know that I will meet some of them again. We have already been talking about visiting each other! I feel so honored and proud to be a part of this group, I know that every single one will be an amazing yoga teacher. I am also starting getting exited about taking all this with me back to Denmark and integrate it with my lifestyle, create my own new lifestyle. I have been talking with many of the students about dreams for the life back home, and how to make it a reality. I am a bit nervous, but I also feel safe because I still have the group to support me. I know that.
My last yoga practice today was amazing. I noticed how much my body has developed, compared to my first yoga practice at Vikasa. I could not do the chaturanga at all, just collapsing, now I can be in the chaturanga for almost 1 minute (!!!) Before I could not reach my toes in the forward bend, now my complete hand is on the floor. When I look at my before and after picture, I can see a enormous change. The new me looks so much more strong and energized!
I have never gotten so mange hugs in one day before. Hugs, kisses, tears, loving words, so much loving energy.
No words can described this place. I am forever thankful. And I will be back again someday!
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